| First Parish Church has a free pulpit. The views expressed in First Parish sermons are those of each speaker, and not necessarily those of the church itself. |
| In 1996 my husband, James, took a three-month trip to Brazil to
study migration in the Amazon. I stayed behind in Texas, where we were living
at the time, and relished the 30-page long e-mails he sent about once a
week describing his adventures. Each week I’d print them out at work and
show off the mini-tomes to my co-workers who were both impressed, and jealous.
I’d anticipate getting to read them. I made a ritual out of it: fixing myself
a nice dinner, lighting a candle and settling down on my couch with our
dog to read. In one such letter he told me about wanting to buy me a gift,
a piece of art by an artist named Anká, and what he went through to
get something extra-ordinarily special: “To get to his house, I had to take a bus downtown, where fortunately I grabbed a suco (a suco is a frozen juice drink) and a roll to fortify me for the rest of the journey. Then I waited half an hour for the bus to Candeias, and then took about 45 more minutes getting to the town. I was just about on time, and met him as planned at the tax-collection office…We ducked behind the office, crossed a field, went behind a house, and climbed down some steps cut into the soil of a very steep bank down to Rio Candeias… “There we got in his little motor-canoe, which has a very small engine and only a very minor leak in the bottom. We putt-putted up stream past mile after mile of forest. The river itself is a beautiful, opaque green…We passed turn after turn of the river-it meanders quite a lot through the green green forest. From time to time we saw people swimming or fishing…we also saw 3 or 4 gold mining dredges, pumping away… “…after an hour and 15 minutes, with sore butt, but soothed spirit, Anká pointed to the top of a very high bluff – his home. He and his wife have been there since 1975…Their house is right among the trees, with a beautiful view of a great loop in the river. The house is 100 feet above the water. Again, they have cut steps into the soil…this is the only way to reach the house… “ James spent several hours visiting Anká and his wife and picked out a beautiful wood carving for me, before making the return trip. I love that piece of art. I can tell James picked it out with me in mind. It is hanging in a place of honor in my living room. I love telling people its story, especially now that the artist has given up art and moved to São Paulo to practice alternative medicine. And, it was not the best gift I ever got. After the birth of my daughter, Paloma, my mother and step-father came to see their new grandchild. My step-father, noticing that I was sitting on a hard wooden rocker when I nursed the baby decided I needed something more comfortable. He took James and went shopping. They came back, after visiting several stores, with a lovely glider rocker with nice soft cushions. What a difference it made to me in my post-partum state. I also have wonderful memories of snuggling with Paloma on that chair on chilly mornings wrapped in a blanket that was made by James’ grandmother. And, this is not the best gift I ever got. I cherish both of these gifts. They were both given to me by special people who put much thought and time into getting them, especially with me in mind. But the best gift I ever got came from some people I met only once and was a gift they gave to many other people. When James and I had been married for about four years we were living in Tucson and were members of the Unitarian Universalist church there. We had indicated on a survey about adult education that we would be interested in a class on couple communication. A few months later the Church informed us of a daylong class given by a long-time married couple, and generously provided us with the fifty-dollar fee so we could attend. James and I enjoyed the day focusing our attention on each other. But one activity in particular made the biggest impact on me. Facing each other James and I were instructed to think of everything nice we could that the other had done for us and to say thank you for it. “Thank you for always making sure there is gas in the car.” “Thank you for not getting mad when I forgot to pick you up.” “Thank you for taking out the garbage” “Thank you for all the times you made dinner.” This simple suggestion was the best gift I ever got - a gift I received from people I barely knew, and one that they gave to everyone in the room that day plus many others, I’m sure. Many things have grown for me from the seed that was planted that afternoon. From that simple exercise I gained a greater appreciation of, not just my husband, but also everyone who touches my life. I have become a better daughter, sister, mother, friend and teacher by taking time to remember the things that make these relationships special. After several years of making a special point of thanking each other every day James and I realized that buying gifts for each other at Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays was unimportant when we realized how much we gave of ourselves to each other every day. And being relieved of the expense of money and energy of trying to find the perfect something is like a bonus gift. This is not to say that the holidays aren’t a challenge for me. I’ve found it difficult to convince all the members of my family that gifts are not what I’m looking for at Christmas. While I appreciate them I sometimes find that I’ve been given “too many” things that I don’t need and simply end up storing them until the next church rummage sale. And it is difficult to convince others that a gift “exchange” isn’t what I’m interested in. I have, however, found that for the gifts I give I can give of myself and enjoy the holiday season with my family without fighting crowds at the malls. I try to consider gifts I can make, and when possible, gifts James, Paloma and I can do together. We have made birdseed balls, baked goods, paper snowflakes, ornaments or spent time in the summer looking for four-leaf clovers. These were things we were able to work on as a family allowing us to appreciate the holiday, and each other, and give meaningful gifts. I know some people who work extra hours or second jobs during the holidays in order to buy more gifts, but they end up missing out on enjoying the whole holiday season, and instead focusing on one day. I consider myself lucky to have been able to put joy back in my holiday season by spending the weekends leading up to Christmas by having time to attend church, build gingerbread houses with my daughter and making gifts. I know that this is a difficult thing to take to heart. Every year we are bombarded with messages at Christmas to buy for everyone. Recently we’ve even been told by our government that we are somehow less patriotic if we’re not spending everything we can. In Bill McKibbon’s book Hundred-Dollar Holiday the author explains that he actually gives more gifts spending about $100.00 a year at Christmas than he did before making the decision to simplify. He, his wife and daughter bake cookies together to give. In discussing this idea with others one person commented that she did not have time to bake after she did so much shopping. It took me a few more minutes of explaining to convince her that she did not need to shop if she baked enough cookies. I don’t think anyone wants to make the holidays stressful, but it is so hard to counter all the messages we get from marketers, the media, and our government that the holiday season is the time to spend. This weekend is traditionally the kick-off of the holiday season, also known as the “spending” season. The day after Thanksgiving is even called “Black Friday” by retailers because it is the day they can expect their accounts to go “in the black”. Those of us who looked at the paper this weekend no doubt saw stories telling us that those who didn’t go shopping on Friday “missed out” on some great deals. The newspapers traditionally carry stories about people waiting in line at in the wee hours of the morning to get the “must-have” gift of the season. Yesterday’s Boston Globe reported that 75 people were already in line at the KB Toys in Peabody when it opened at 5 a.m. At the Wal-Mart in Salem people were arriving up to 3 hours before the store’s 6 a.m. opening. Last year The Centre (Pennsylvania) Daily Times interviewed one resident of that state who was upset because she overslept until 5:00 and found long lines when she arrived to shop. The Orlando (Florida) Sentinel also reported that those who sleep late will be sorry with this story: “ Paula Coniglio felt like a Johnny-come-lately during last year’s post-Thanksgiving sales, but things were different this year. After a cup of java and a pep talk from her neighbor, she dragged herself out of the house at 4 a.m. Friday to line up with other bargain hunters at KB Toys. ‘I got here at 10 a.m. last year, and it was all over by then – all the popular items were gone’ the Orlando woman said ‘I wasn’t going to let that happen again’” I don’t feel I “missed out” on anything by staying in bed on Friday morning, enjoying my Thanksgiving leftovers and relaxing with my family on my day off work. I do think the government missed out on an opportunity last fall in the aftermath of September 11. When too many volunteers showed up at ground zero wanting to help, Rudolph Guilliani told them to take the spirit of volunteerism back to their hometowns. President Bush, however, told people to buy stuff. I think if he had taken a cue from Guilliani, we might have seen a real resurgence of patriotism in this country - something that went beyond flag waving. Marketers have even co-opted the simplicity movement in order to sell. I’ve heard the music from the hymn we sang this morning “’Tis a gift to be simple” used as background music in commercials for a luxury car, and a grocery store. I recall a few years ago reading that perhaps with so much emphasis on simplicity a less-materialistic gift for one’s spouse would be plane tickets to Europe. This envelope arrived in my mailbox just yesterday (hold up). I can simplify my life by signing up for my cell phone company’s auto pay program. And recently I read the following copy in a catalog for a holiday dress: “ Add simplicity to the holiday season with this luxuriously soft cotton/polyester velour dress…” The irony of this last statement is particularly striking. Apparently simplifying is something you should do in addition to everything else that you have during the holidays. I believe that the lesson I learned at the workshop that day, now almost 12 years ago, marked the beginning of a voyage of self-discovery. Because of a desire to learn to appreciate more intangible things I began doing some research, with the help of my Quaker friends, on simplifying my life. And I have gained a greater appreciation for so many things I might never have even noticed. Every year I continue to be awestruck at the change of seasons, each one with its own set of colors - the flaming leaves in the fall, the still gray and white of winter, interrupted by the purples and yellows when the crocuses first bloom. Followed by the spring blossoms and the bright blue hydrangea and the rest of the glorious summer colors. Focusing on non-tangible things has helped me to enjoy every phase of my daughter’s life and marvel at her accomplishments. Food tastes better to me as imagine when I eat all that brought it to my table - the animals, the farmers, the migrant workers, the truck drivers, the grocery clerks ending with those who prepared it. I stopped collecting things and learned to do more things, like cooking, sewing, quilting, and playing the recorder, and in so doing got to know the friends who helped me along the way better. The best gift I ever got started me on a journey longer than any trip down the Amazon, and more challenging than fighting crowds at a bargain basement melée. The best gift is something I am giving to you now, in hopes that you will give it to others this holiday season. No matter what else you do for the holidays take the time to reflect and remember all that those people in you life have done for you, and thank them for it. One of our readings this morning is taken from: McKibben, Bill. 1998. Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case for a More Joyful Christmas. New York: Simon & Schuster. pp. 86-88 People always complain that Christmas starts too soon – that the tinsel is up in the stores right after Halloween, and the carols gurgling over the loudspeakers in every aisle. And there’s a certain truth to that, of course. But a bigger problem, I think, is that Christmas doesn’t last long enough. One reason we all find Christmas so crazy-making is the sudden sense of anticlimax that can seize you once all the presents are unwrapped. It doesn’t need to be that way, not if you don’t concentrate on the presents as the main joy of the whole season. We view … the weeks before Christmas as the shopping season, but we don’t need to. The church offers the deep alternative of Advent, the time of preparation that begins on the Sunday nearest November 30 and includes the four Sundays before Christmas. The stories of Advent are powerful – especially the Annunciation, with Mary learning the knee-buckling news that she is to bear the Christ child. And the traditions of Advent can be powerful, too: walking out into the longer and longer nights, feeling the darkness that comes before the light of Christmas. At home, with children, opening the windows of the Advent calendar, reminding each other what it is you’re counting down to. Traditionally Advent was a time of solemn repentance, like Lent; few people observe it in quite that sense anymore, but it can be a season of expectation, of yearning…. The anticipation can be almost ecstatic, the anticipation almost physical. In her remarkable book To Dance with God: Family Ritual and Community Celebration , Gertrud Mueller Nelson writes: “During Advent, we are invited to be vulnerable to our longing and open to our hope. Like the pregnant mother who counts the days till her labor and prepares little things for the child on the way, we count the days and increase the light as we light our candles and prepare our gifts.” See Pamela's Simplify Your Life web page for more ideas. |
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