First Parish Sermon

Yes, it is almost Valentine’s Day, and yes, Joe is the greatest husband in the world and Christopher is the most wonderful son ever born. But today I’m talking about a larger love. I’m talking about the love that we all have for each other and for this faith community.

I grew up in a strong community in farm country in Central Ohio. In the farmlands of central Ohio, no hills get in the way of the expansive view - only silos. These cylindrical castles of concrete and metal predate any city’s skyscrapers. They exist in isolation, one or two to an average farm.

But they are not connected. Each silo stands by itself, containing the grain needed to sustain the fields and flocks for the winter and the next planting season.

Life today - in church as well as work - too often fits the metaphor of the silo. Either literal or metaphoric silo-like structures house specialized offices; our silo steeples separate us from other congregations. Connecting to no other part of the farm - or church - the silos serve to isolate the inhabitants. And because of this silo mentality, there is an erosion of community in modern society.

The companion to this erosion, however, is a cry for connection, a cry for a return to community. At virtually every level of society today people sense something missing and decry the lack of community and yearn for something they know can exist.

People feel isolated and disconnected. They feel like silos, joined to nothing. The expressways are full of solo occupants, heading to the city to stare at a computer screen in a cubicle, email others, perhaps, but rarely talk face-to-face and then return to the garage, mount their Neon stead nine hours later, and return home.

It often feels that the only thing holding modern workers together is a common irritation over traffic and parking - and in Boston, the big dig!.

In congregations, people sit next to each other in pews on Sunday morning, and then leave. Or maybe they go to get a cup of coffee, speak for a while, and do not reappear until the following Sunday - or next month - or next Christmas.

There is a growing dis-ease over this lack of connection.

One baby boomer in her 50s who writes about the dissemination of community said:

“For some time now, I’ve been restless and dissatisfied with my life…, hungry for some emotional and spiritual fulfillment that my life doesn’t seem to afford. I crave a sense of belonging, the feeling that I’m part of an enterprise larger than myself, a part of a group that shares some common purpose.”

There is clear agreement that community is missing from today’s society - to the detriment of everyone.

Americans feel a lack of connectedness in their public lives. Interestingly, most Americans are satisfied with their private lives, recent surveys reveal. What they are deeply unhappy about is their public life - the direction in which our society as a whole is headed.

This lack of community has been the subject of innumerable articles and studies. In the famous "Bowling Alone" premise, Robert Putnam argued that "the vibrancy of American civil society has notably declined over the past several decades." He argues that Americans are less involved in organizations that require and provide social connectedness. In many of the organizations that have replaced them, "for the vast majority of their members, the only act of membership consists in writing a check for dues or perhaps occasionally reading a newsletter."

The title of Putnam’s article comes from his research which finds that while the number of people bowling is up, the number of bowling leagues in the country is down. People are still bowling, but they are bowling alone.

Putnam’s research reported that rather than community, many small groups which exist today "merely provide occasions for individuals to focus on themselves in the presence of others. The social contract binding members together asserts only the weakest obligations." So I am a member of the National Organization for Women - but I just send them a check. Or I am a member of First Parish in Bridgewater, but have no connection with other UUs in the next town, or the next state, or the nation. And perhaps I don’t even have connection with other Uus across the pews.

Some argue about "bowling alone" and whether people are in fact disengaged. In an article in Time, Richard Stengel and Ann Blackman argued that the community exists, but it is online rather than in person. "We are sitting alone staring into our computer screens - but we were bonding together." But this asynchronous anonymous connection is not, I argue, true community. The silo metaphor continues, with the individual computer-silos on each person’s desk.

What is needed is a spider web rather than a silo. People need interconnection not isolation.

The call for community is heard throughout the country. Robert Zarefsky said that many voices have risen to

"urge that society cultivate a stronger sense of responsibilities and obligations to match freedoms and rights - rekindling a sense of community at every level, from the local to the national."

Research on congregational life - of all faiths, not just ours, says that people join churches for that sense of community, to be with others of like values.

Community is needed for multiple reasons. For one reason, it improves an individual’s physical and emotional well being. 

A decade-long MacArthur Foundation study on aging found that "the top two predictors of well-being as people age are frequency of visits with friends and frequency of attendance of meetings of organizations." It is hard to believe that all of those meetings are health giving, but in fact they provide the sense of community and connection. Do you see some people only at meetings? Some friends and I occasionally joke - but it really is more serious - that we should get together not just for a meeting, but for a cup of tea and conversation about something other than church or work.

Hallowell reports on the physiological reason for the increase in health. When people are in community, they have an increase in hormones that promote trust and bonding. These hormones rise when we feel empathy for another person, in particular when we are meeting with someone face-to-face. These bonding hormones are at suppressed levels when people are physically separate. 

Churches throughout the nation should begin to advertise that "worshipping is good for your health." Because in the MacArthur study, they found that "although those who have religious beliefs on average live longer than those who don’t, people who actually attend religious services do better than those who believe but do not go to services."

Do you feel healthier today than you did in August? You should - because you are here! This is another argument for not closing the doors of our churches in the summer.

Being face-to-face in community enhances the intellectual, social, physical and emotion well being of those in the organization.

The establishment of community, or perhaps the reestablishment of a sense of community that has society, is possible. Ernest Boyer, the late director of the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, delineated six principles that define community. Boyer’s principles can be adapted to our churches, as well as to every other organizational environment.

A church - or any other organization that promises community - needs to be: purposeful, open, just, disciplined, caring, and celebrative.

These six principles, when put into practice, will allow this church - this religious community - to be a "spider web" rather than a "silo." Often we think of our Unitarian Universalist principle of the "interconnected web of all existence" to refer to ourselves and other creatures; perhaps we need to think of it more often about ourselves and other people.

How can we, as a church community, attend to these six principles of community? What would be the hallmark of each?

A purposeful community is one in which every member knows and has a stake in the goals. The purpose of the church should be that which engages and energizes everyone.

Every person in the congregation - from the minister to newest person to sign the book - should feel that they know, and live out, the purpose of the church. The way in which they manifest that goal may be different for each person depending on their role in the church. But the goal is the same.

Do you know the mission of this church? Does everyone feel that they have an opportunity contribute to that mission?

In a purposeful community, attention is paid to keeping everyone actively engaged in the mission through special programming, worship, religious education, and social activities.

In an open community, each person’s freedom of expression is uncompromisingly protected and civility is powerfully affirmed. In this community, every meeting, every encounter, every service reflects open, honest communication. In an open community, every person has an opportunity to "speak the truth as they know it" and the right to be listened to.

As important as an honest community is a just community where the sacredness of each person is honored and where diversity is aggressively pursued.

 Issues of justice abound today, and Unitarian Universalist churches give wonderful "lip service" to social justice. But too often we do not put our bodies and our time and our money into those causes. 

We say, "of course we want diversity." But what do we do to welcome - and celebrate - those who are "different." Does someone of a different ethnic background feel welcome? Can someone who is disabled worship and have fellowship with us? Does someone who is not middle or upper class feel welcome here? 

An unjust society for anyone weakens the entire community - the religious community and the larger community.

In working toward a just community, it is important that every person ,feel safe, honored and sacred as a person.

What is the behavior of the common good in the church? A disciplined community is needed where individuals accept their obligation to the group, and where well defined procedures guide the behavior for the common good. 

This requires that the individuals in the community gather together to determine standards of acceptable behavior. Before someone "crosses the line" they need to know where the line is. In churches today, guidelines for acceptable behavior are common. The disciplined community allows everyone to know what is acceptable. And it works with people when behavior is unacceptable.

In order for the web to be strong, the church needs to be caring community where the well being of each member is sensitively supported, and where service to others is encouraged.

In the "outside world" today the notion of feeling cared for is often an oxymoron. And so people come to church feeling uncared for. That makes our job as religious people even more important. We need to heal each other’s wounds.

The call for a caring community calls for reflection on the social bonding that all humans need for their well being.

Caring is the glue that holds all organizations – and especially churches - together. 

And finally, it is important to have a celebrative community. How often do we celebrate? Are there rituals here which affirm both tradition that holds us all together, and change that propels us forward?

We as a larger society - and we as a congregation - celebrate much too infrequently. All of us have a lot to learn from the children who seem to be much better at this! They can teach us. 

While everyone knows that a good celebration bring the community together they too often worry that it takes too much time, is too hard to organize and no one will come anyway. 

But celebration - both in the service and in the other areas of church life - is necessary to keep our spirits alive.

The ideal community is purposeful, open, just, disciplined, caring and celebrative. 

Does our church fit that profile? Do we have a solid sense of community?

Community is invaluable. Parker Palmer, a senior fellow of the Fetzer Institute has written:

"When community breaks down, we have lost the greatest reward of all, which is feeling ourselves authentically connected to other people, sharing a vision and a goal, and willing to help each other pursue and sustain the difficulties of pursuing it. That is the greatest reward that exists in human life." 

Palmer says that when these conversations exist, the personal pain of disconnection begins to be lifted. 

Creating community is the biggest challenge to our churches today. It is our mission, our calling, our reason for being.

In society today, where the pain of disconnection is rampant, and where the sense of community has all but disappeared, our congregations can provide that wellspring of life. We can provide the sense of community.

This is our most significant challenge. And, for all of us as religious people, it is our most significant opportunity.